Me wantie

Zombie Bait

Gift ideas

I want this.  Buy it for me.

Zombie Scrub

America, Fuck Yeah!

Every year the hordes of trick or treaters dwindle away.  People claim it's not very christian like.  Others claim it's dangerous.  I say fuck you all, it's American.  I'm not religious nor am I am patriotic.  I will admit it.  I do however think that some things rooted in tradition should be followed.  I think everyone that lives in this country of ours should join in.  Aside from the razor blades in apples, and the sugar high kids, it doesn't hurt anyone.  Next year I beg you all to go out and trick or treat.  I will have full sized candy bars, the prize of every trick or treater. 

Octopussy

I'm going through this weird Octopus stage. I am planning out a backpiece, but in the meantime I am enjoying all the octo-themed items. Etsy as you may know is crack. I found this interesting little number.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33091645&ref=sr_gallery_1&&ga_search_query=tentacles&ga_search_type=category&category=jewelry&ga_page=4&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title

It's Starting to Look a lot Like Deadmas

It's that time of year again! My favorite time! When the supposed veil between the living and the dead is lifted and we are all forced to wear spooky costumes to ward off evil. I have a rule in my house. All costumes must be scary in some sense of the word, and I don't mean like Brittany Spears scary. There needs to be some sort of fear. In the past 24 hours I have had this same conversation practically verbatim 2 times:

"So what are you going ot be for Halloween?"

"A Ladybug"

"Oh. Well is it a creepy ladybug?"

Head nod no.

"Well is it a dead ladybug?"

Horrified head nod no.

"What about a zombie ladybug???!!!!

Runs away.

It's a sad sad day when Halloween isn't scary.

*wipes a tear*

I have to share this fabby photo from the last zombie walk. We really had a blast.

My life as a Zombie

There is a Zombie Walk coming up this Saturday at the Seattle Center. Some of you may not know what this is. Basically a horde of people in full zombie attire congregate at a set spot. They then flood the streets in a highly organized fashion. Occasionally there are brains to coax the zombies in the right direction, and helpful volunteers to direct. It is a complete and total blast.

In getting ready for such an occasion I find myself saying things that could possibly frighten an outsider. Here is a list of such things:

"Honey have you seen the blood?"

"Why don't you just be a zombie for once it's way more fun that a zombie slayer?"

"Sweetie, that just isn't enough blood unless you are freshly turned."

"Thriller zombies are for pussies."

"Damn it! We ran out of blood."

"No, no no no no don't eat off all your scabs. I worked on those really hard"

I am looking forward to taking my children to mob the streets chanting "braaaaaains" in unison. There really isn't anything cuter than zombie kids!

Hopefully I will see some of you there!

Is the patch right for me?

Being a female sucks sometimes. I'm not even going to go down the "anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die..." road right now. Once in a while you get to a point in your life where you are faced with birth control choices. There are a lot of choices out there. I decided hmmm I bet the patch is convenient and could be an excellent choice for my busy lifestyle. They really like to push the busy lifestyle thing. I selected the option on their website "Is the Patch for Me?" Not only am I frightened of The Patch, I fear for my life now. Let me run down some of the possible side effects associated with hormonal bc in general. Blood clots that could kill you, sinus infections, weight gain, edema, sinusitis, nausea, headaches, breast tenderness, dizziness, hair loss, bone density loss,acne, high blood pressure, and of course loss of libido. What a great idea. To avoid pregnancy let's just get rid of the sex drive entirely. It's like that diet pill that makes you poop your pants. It literally says that pooping yourself is a high possibility. I can see how that could be effective. I'm at a total loss but at least I don't have to worry about crapping myself.

Me n Martha

I always turn into Martha Stewart when I'm throwing a party. I bought new tiki torches although I will probably forget the torch fluid and run out of time anyways. I have a color scheme (green and pink thank you for asking.) I envision myself in the kitchen with Martha cutting strawberries, or making origami napkin rings. All of this of course is very far from reality. My lawn is straw and I spent an hour picking up dehydrated dog shit. My porch has dog vomit and rotten potatos strewn about. I will somehow roughly pull it all together in time but there will not be any origami napkin rings or functional tiki torches.

Joel also has a celebrity envisionment. His would be with Johnny Depp. They would be swinging together without a care in the world. He also has a runner up. Him and Danial Day Lewis would sit and smoke pipes and menacingly glare out a window all grizzled like. I wonder if we really did get our celebrity match ups what would happen. I think the swings would be close to reality. My guess is Johnny probably does like to swing carefree. I think Martha would see the dog vomit and potatos and leave. It's also possible she wouldn't make it past the life size zombie statue bursting out of the ground in the front yard. Who knows.

LGBTA

On my venture to Costco my hubby somehow brings up LGBTA. Although I am a member of the LGBT at my work it makes me giggle and I say "A Lettuce Gay Bacon Tomato and Avacado?" DH then comes up with an idea of a Gay Deli. The said deli would have things like the LGBTA and a roast beef sandwich called a pink taco with strategically placed meat. The deli's name would be Stuff'n meat. A pun on Meat N Stuff. Wow.

I can TOO write like David Sedaris

I've realized I have interesting randomness in my life. Okay, maybe "interesting" isn't the best word but it's definately something. I tell my hubby about this and how I think I could write stories like David Sedaris. He questioned my writing ability. It's probably a mistake to compare yourself to an accomplished writer so I'm using the comparison very very loosely. I have funny things happen to me and I feel obligated to share them. A great example would be our female extended benefit program at work.
Our old building would supply free tampons in the bathroom and it was awesome. The new building does not have this bene. I work in an open environment and it makes discreetly slipping a feminine product into your pocket difficult. If you've never tried slipping a tampon into your skin tight 7s and not look like you're happy to see someone, you wouldn't quite understand. At this point I decided a quarter was much more discreet. I slip my incognito change into the slot, turn the knob and nothing. Nothing happens. My quarter is gone but it is the ultimate purchase FAIL. I look at my hand and I look at the slot. I have freakishly small wrists so I choose to chance it. It's a really close fit. I lube up with a little soap and ultimately I'm in! Of course as my hand is elbow deep in a tampon dispenser a coworker walks in. I nonchalantly say "hey" and give a nod. There seems to be some sort of tampon log jam. I relieve this jam and since I am not a thief, I leave the extras for others who may have been cheated out of their wad o cotton as well. I think it's funny so I tell the only person who may possibly find some sick humor in my embaressment. Hey says "wow you're like a tampon lumberjack!" I have now been affectionatley been dubbed The Lumberjack.