I can TOO write like David Sedaris

I've realized I have interesting randomness in my life. Okay, maybe "interesting" isn't the best word but it's definately something. I tell my hubby about this and how I think I could write stories like David Sedaris. He questioned my writing ability. It's probably a mistake to compare yourself to an accomplished writer so I'm using the comparison very very loosely. I have funny things happen to me and I feel obligated to share them. A great example would be our female extended benefit program at work.
Our old building would supply free tampons in the bathroom and it was awesome. The new building does not have this bene. I work in an open environment and it makes discreetly slipping a feminine product into your pocket difficult. If you've never tried slipping a tampon into your skin tight 7s and not look like you're happy to see someone, you wouldn't quite understand. At this point I decided a quarter was much more discreet. I slip my incognito change into the slot, turn the knob and nothing. Nothing happens. My quarter is gone but it is the ultimate purchase FAIL. I look at my hand and I look at the slot. I have freakishly small wrists so I choose to chance it. It's a really close fit. I lube up with a little soap and ultimately I'm in! Of course as my hand is elbow deep in a tampon dispenser a coworker walks in. I nonchalantly say "hey" and give a nod. There seems to be some sort of tampon log jam. I relieve this jam and since I am not a thief, I leave the extras for others who may have been cheated out of their wad o cotton as well. I think it's funny so I tell the only person who may possibly find some sick humor in my embaressment. Hey says "wow you're like a tampon lumberjack!" I have now been affectionatley been dubbed The Lumberjack.